[xx Leila xx]

Avril’s POV

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY, AV!” Evan screamed. I felt a party blower go off in my ear.

“Fuck!” I sat up a bit, then pulled the covers back over my head. “Leave me alone,” I groaned.

It was my eighteenth birthday, and I was stuck in a hotel room in New York City. I had spent the preceding several days in the studio, working on my album. I would be going back home to spend a few days with my family soon, but then I’d have to fly right back to NYC. I needed to get the album done as quickly as possible.

“Come on, wake up,” I heard Matt say.

“Yeah, we have a surprise for you!” chimed in Jesse.

“Here,” Charlie said, trying to hand me a beer.

“Do I even want to know what time it is?” I groaned. I looked at the digital clock next to the bed.

“It’s eight in the morning! Fuck off!” I moaned, crawling back under the covers. That seemed to finally get the message across. The rest of my band shuffled out of the room. I heard Charlie mutter “party pooper” under his breath.

I woke up two hours later. I was crying, and I kept crying until I realized what I experienced was just a dream.

Damn, I thought. That dream keeps coming back to me. Every night after I lost consciousness, I dreamt about Deryck. It was always about Deryck. And it always ended the same way. He left. He evaporated. And I was alone.

It’s not much of a dream. I can never have Deryck. I never will. At least this way, I can be alone without knowing what it feels like to have someone...God, this is turning out to be a sucky birthday! I was so frustrated I just wanted to go back to sleep.

I sat up in bed, rubbing my eyes. I wasn't ready to face another day...another day that left me feeling lonely, no matter who was around. It had only been two weeks and I couldn’t think about anything but Deryck.

I need a life, I thought cynically to myself. I need a boyfriend. Yeah, that’s it...I’ll feel better if I have a boyfriend.

As if right on cue, Jesse stuck his head in the room. If a lightbulb had ever gone off over my head, it was probably then. “My God, it’s about time you woke up,” he griped. “Come on, we wanted to take you somewhere for your birthday.”

“You didn’t let Charlie choose this particular somewhere, did you? Because I am not spending my eighteenth birthday in a freaking strip club.”

Jesse grinned. “Maybe, maybe not. We’re not telling you till you get up and get dressed.”

“What, in front of you?” I rolled my eyes. “Dream on. Get out of here, perv.” I threw my pillow at Jesse and he stumbled into the next room.

After he was gone, I got dressed, while thinking to myself some more.

If only I could have Deryck...but if I can’t, Jesse could be the next best thing, right? I bit my lip. Jesse was a friend of mine. A good friend. But I didn’t like him in a different way. I knew he liked me. I need someone, I told myself. Someone, so I can stop feeling like this and stop having these damn dreams. It’s awfully slutty to use Jesse like that...I don’t like him...but what choice do I have? Maybe someday, I'll love him like I love Deryck...I just need time. Yeah, that's it. Time.

I threw my hair over my shoulders and sighed. Time to face the day.