[sweety7852000]

hahaha hrmmmmmmmm the suspense is on! lol ok ok since I know I probably won't get anymore posts right now..........UPDATE!

"It's just, well...I don't know how to explain it." He looked at me for a second and then wrapped his arms around me. "Honey, you can tell me anything." Then he kissed my forhead. I took a deep breath. "You promise you won't laugh or anything?" He nodded. "I promise I won't. Honey you can tell me anything." I smiled at him. "I know I can, it's just, UGH!"

Chris's point of view


Why does she think I'll laugh or something? I mean, she looks close to tears. I wouldn't laugh at her, I never would. I wish I knew what was going through her head right now. She hasn't acted like this in years. Oh god, all I want to do is hold her tight, and let her know that I'd never let anything happen to her. But how can I promise that to her and the kids? I mean look at the hell she's been through. Given that nothing bad has happened to her in two years, that night was the last time that anything happened to her. I made sure she was safe after that. Her parents wanted to get her a personal bodyguard, but I insisted that I'd take care of her. And I've done a damn good job of it, if only I could stop the nightmares.

Back to Hope

How do I tell him this? A part of me asked myself. Just spit it out Hope! "I don't know how to explain it to you." I confessed to him. "Honey, you know that you can trust me. I'm not going to let anyone hurt you or anything, and you know that you can tell me anything." I smiled at him and laid my head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around my waist and laid back on the bed, holding me ontop of him. I kissed his neck. Then whispered to him. "I'm afraid Chris." His grip tightened on me. "Afraid of what?" I closed my eyes and just listened to his heart beat for a moment. "I feel like an idiot I can't just spit it out." His hand started smoothing my hair. "You're not an idiot, Hope." Just tell him already Hope, you know that he'll understand. "I'm afraid to do anything. I mean, I know it's our wedding night, and I should have told you sooner. But I'm afraid to have sex." I was really close to tears. He just held me for a minute, not speaking, not moving, just holding me tight. "Hope, you don't have to be afraid. If you don't want to do anything, then we won't. I know what 'no' means, and I don't want to make you do something that you aren't comfortable doing." I smiled and kissed him. "It's not that, I mean it is, but it isn't. I've been through hell and back, you know that. It's just that, I've always been raped. All I know of it is the pain. The nightmares that come afterwards."