[bunny]

For about two days now I had spent in bed. Going back to my old bad habit, which was drinking vodka and using some cocaine. Not that much I used to, but enough to make me stop think of her. I didn’t want to cry like the first day I got home. Crying was for girls, not for real man. Next to laying in bed I was also looking around Avril’s stuff. Which made me noticed that her engagement ring was not in the house. Which meant that she was wearing it. Or at least took it with her. I still didn’t knew what to think of that. All ready I had called the mental hospital, to check if they knew anything about her. But they couldn’t answer my question. Live seem to suck at this moment. My mom had called me ten times each day. Since she knew that I got out jail. But I didn’t picked up once. If it was up to me I didn’t want to go anywhere then in the house. But I got bored, bored of just laying. So I turned and opened Avril’s nightstand. There were a few books laying in there. I took out two of them and decided to read them. Both books were about dealing with depression. Avril was depressed she used to self harm and had even tried to kill herself. That was why she got in the hospital. But it was all right. I loved her anyway. She had never felt like she belonged here in this live. Only when she was around me. At least that’s what she said. I took an other glass of vodka and opened the book. But I couldn’t read it. My eyes got lazy. So I drunk two other glasses of vodka. But it got even worse. I had to do something, I could hardly look straight. S I graphed the cocaine next to me and used it all. Like that would make it any better. My head started to spin. The wall turned upside down and the drawing on the book came alive. Meanwhile I felt like falling in to a black hole. Like my head just felt of my body, down to a black hole of live. What happened next I didn’t seem to understand. It got all black and white and the back to black again. But it felt good, maybe to good. I got weightless, and felt like flooding on the sea. After that nothing happened. I just saw nothing but black. I felt nothing but cold. I tried to think about what I felt but I couldn’t. I tried to move my bonze but I couldn’t.