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Originally Posted by antibaka
here ya go: from deryck
Steve and I were sitting at a café in Hollywood.
“Wow,” muttered Steve. “I didn’t think you were going to show, what with Avril and all.”
I nodded and said, “She’s been feeling better.” Fortunately, that was true. Both Avril’s flu and her morning sickness were disappearing and she was much better than she had been a week ago. However, she had opted to stay home. She didn’t want to see Steve’s reaction.
“So...I have something to tell you.”
“Hm?” Steve raised an eyebrow. “Shall I start playing the dramatic music now? Dun da da dun dun...”
“Ha, ha, ha,” I said, rolling my eyes. I took a sip of my Coke. “But, on second thought, perhaps the music isn’t such a bad idea.” Steve started humming obnoxiously.
“Okay,” I sighed. “Are you ready?”
“Always.”
“Avril and I are expecting a baby.”
Steve spit out the mouthful of soda he had been gulping. After gasping for air fora moment, he sputtered, “What?! You got her knocked up?!”
“Yes. And we’re not really sure what to do about it. But I might not be coming to work for a while.”
Steve shook his head. “Aw, man, D...you’re insane. What were you thinking?”
“I was thinking Avril was on birth control.” I ran my fingers through my hair. I had been hoping Steve wouldn’t make such a big deal out of this. The last thing I needed right now was more stress.
“And she wasn’t?” questioned Steve. He looked bewildered. “How could you not know whether or not your own wife was on birth control? You must have been fucking her like crazy since the wedding–how could you have not known?” Steve appeared angry now.
“Steve!” I yelled. A couple people at neighboring tables turned and gave us dirty looks. “Look, Steve,” I hissed, lowering my voice. “Avril was on birth control. I asked her about it a million times. It was a pill failure. A statistic.”
The waiter, who had been standing at our table the whole time, said, “Gentlemen, if you’re quite finished, may I take your order?”
“Piss off,” replied Steve.
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