[elastics.]

“Hey, Avril, does this make me look…voluptuous?” Deryck asked, while waving his ass around like he was a monkey.

Which, really, he was, when at 2PM on Saturdays he morphed into George W. Bush and ran America. (The prime minister of Canada really has no power…and Canadians are softly scary with their diplomacy.)

For real! They’re like fluffy – not like Paris Hilton’s cat, mind you. That’s hot.

“Der, sweetie, stop it! You’re so foxy, rawr!” Avril screeched lightheartedly.

“Avey, dear, thanks,” Deryck smiled as he enveloped Avril into a tight, highly sensual embrace.

The recently married couple loved playing with each other – especially the different ways that they could “excite” each other. Deryck was an avid user of handcuffs and bondage gear that he picked up from his friend, bdsm.com.

Also from his other friend bondage.com.

See, Deryck doesn’t have many friends, really. It may possibly be because when he was asked what four plus one was he responded, “one!!! BECUZ I’M NUMBAAA ONEEEEEEEE!!” or that he just likes drugs too much. Who knows.

At the present time, Avril and Deryck were getting ready for the Grammy’s. Avril was nominated for three, including one for her bratty and playful single, “Girlfriend”.

Secretly, Avril was planning on meeting her old guitarist and friend, Evan Taubenfeld, in the bathrooms with the little dove on the fountain with the chocolate and cheddar fondue and the blue splotched tile floor with cheeseburger macaroni.

Hot damn, that really does exist!

But, of course, Avril was afraid to tell Deryck of this fact because he might get jealous – even though Paris Hilton was pitted against Av with her song, “Stars are Blind”. Avril was the clear favorite, so it was no worries for her – it was just ironic considering Girlfriend’s subject matter.

Sadly, however, Avril wasn’t nominated for any Junos because, well – of her husband’s status in American government. AV=NO CANADIAN, BABEEEEEEEEEEEEYYSSSSS!~!!!!

That just had to be said…*sigh*

So she’s liek one of those em amerikans now.

Which also means that she had to axe poutine from her diet.

Poor Avie.