For some stars, life can be one hot mess

[Sharifa]

For some stars, life can be one hot mess

By JAN UEBELHERR
juebelherr@journalsentinel.com

Posted: Oct. 5, 2006

She hasn't done a whole lot lately except lose a bunch of weight and get pregnant. Still, we can't help looking at the latest chapter in Anna Nicole Smith's rodeo ride of a life and call it Two Men and a Lawsuit. It fits nicely, seeing as her lawyer/companion and photographer/ex-boyfriend are both claiming paternity of her newborn daughter.
We're sure those crazy kids will sort things out, but the photog would do well to stay the heck away from a certain moody songbird who has her own special way of dealing with pesky paparazzi. (A hint: Wah-patooey!)
And what are we to make of the latest from an L.A. lothario (I know, I know - which one?) who admits to using women!
A baby and a lawsuit, a singer who's spitting mad, a handsome charmer who will date anyone to get into the paper. Sheesh - what has gotten into the star types lately? More weirdness than usual, that's for sure. Some very harsh behavior on display, too.
As the legendary Bette Davis character Margo Channing mused in "All About Eve," "Everybody has a heart. Except some people."

Anna and the blingWe might as well start with Anna Nicole. To review: Anna Nicole Smith, a stripper turned model turned actress (whew!) who married a filthy rich octogenarian who died soon after the nuptials, recently gave birth to a baby girl in the Bahamas where she (Anna) had gone to avoid publicity (!).
For months, people (well, star watchers anyway) wondered: Who's the daddy? Who's the daddy? A photographer named Larry Birkhead came forward and claimed responsibility.
Then came word that Anna's longtime lawyer and companion, Howard K. Stern, claims he was the real papa. So Daddy No. 1 files a lawsuit seeking a blood test to show that he is, indeed, the father. Oh yeah, and there's the matter of the unresolved estate of deceased octogenarian husband, J. Howard Marshall II.
Anyone following life in Anna's beehive should also know that she committed herself to, but did not marry, Stern in a ceremony on a yacht bobbing around off the shore of the Bahamas last week.
Attorney Debra Opri, whose celebrity clients have included James Brown, told USA Today that Birkhead "seeks truth in paternity as he believes beyond any doubt that he is the father and seeks a presence in this child's life."
She adds that her client is "responding to the 'circus-like' atmosphere with Howard K. Stern as ring leader this past week wherein serious and false allegations that Stern is the father were made and many defamatory remarks about Mr. Birkhead needed to be addressed."
One should also know that Anna may well inherit a fat slice of the $1.5 billion estate of the man she did marry.
So, to recap: Big inheritance in the wings for mommy, two men claiming to be daddy. Hey, this could be another chapter in Anna's book: "Math is Fun!"
Spitting image

What's it like being chased about by paparazzi? It's no picnic in the park - Avril Lavigne can tell you that. To her, it's something to spit at. She did just that, taking aim and firing a mouth missile right at some snappers who just wouldn't give it a rest. Just as quickly, though, the moody songbird took it back. Well, sort of.
The spittle episode took place as she left Hyde nightclub in L.A. after celebrating her 22nd birthday. She called out to a waiting photographer, "Hey, (expletive for bad guy), come here." When he did, she spit into his lens. One account notes an incident in which she signed autographs and littered the messages with little F-bombs. Sweet.
But on her Web site, she had this to say: "I'd like to sincerely apologize for my behavior with the paparazzi. It's trying at best to deal with their insistent intrusions. I meant no offense to my fans, whose relationship I truly value.
"I have and will always go out of my way for my fans. My behavior was a reaction to the persistent attack from the paparazzi."
Yes, well, let's remember that spitting never solved anything.
Man of confusion

These snappers sure have a way of riling people. Swarthy stud George Clooney has come up with an even more brazen plot to deal with them. So here's the plan: He will date anyone! Well, as long as it's a glamorous star - he's in!
It's actually a plan to confuse us - or, rather, thwart those darn paparazzi. "Here is my theory on debunking photographs in magazines, you know, the paparazzi photographs," Clooney says in the November Vanity Fair. "I want to spend every single night for three months going out with a different famous actress."
Nice plan, George. Go on.
"You know, Halle Berry one night, Salma Hayek the next, and then walk on the beach holding hands with Leonardo DiCaprio."
Why, yes, we see. That would be confusing! Especially for Leo.
Bah - that's just mean! How are we supposed to get a handle on the True Facts of George's Life if he keeps this up?
Still sorry

Speaking of louts - err, Lotharios - Jude Law just can't resist picking at a wound. He's once again telling the world how sorry he is for his naughtiness with a nanny while he was engaged to Sienna Miller (latest word is they're back on again).
So anyway, the chastened Mr. Law tells GQ magazine: "I regret hurting anyone. I didn't want to hurt anyone. I've apologized to the people I think matter in that situation. There's not really an awful lot more I can do or say."
No, no, that's true. You've done enough.
Sad to say, he does go on. "But you can't run away. You have to take it on the chin and learn somehow to hold your head up high and face up to it. You can't spend your life apologizing. You can hold your hands up and say, 'I (messed) up.' You can do everything in your power to make that pain better. But what kind of person would you be to then spend the rest of your life torturing yourself?"
Dang, Jude! You had us at "I regret."
Britney's naughty bits

We close with this Deep Thought from serial mom Britney Spears, who confesses to Britain's Q magazine that she quite enjoys walking 'round the house without a stitch: "I've always been very comfortable nude. I don't feel like I have anything to hide."
Right, right. We've sort of gotten that impression.

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