Fall to Pieces (let's just get to it)

[waitingxforxyou]

Edit: don't read this story unless you've read the first two.

Prologue

I don’t want a baby, not right not at least. The words almost slip out of Riley’s mouth but she bites them back.

The doctor smiles eagerly at her, obviously expecting some sort of reaction. “Did you hear me, Mrs. Taubenfeld? The results were positive. You’re pregnant, about four weeks along.”

“Yes, I heard…I…” Riley grips the edge of the metal office chair. I can’t be.

The doctor nods encouragingly. “Congratulations. Your husband will be thrilled, I bet.”

“Thank you, I’m…he’ll be thrilled, yes.” She wets her lips and stands, extending her hand. “Thank you, Dr. Jeffries.”

He shakes her hand. His eager smile is replaced with concerned eyes. “Are you alright, Mrs. Taubenfeld?”

“I’m fine!” Riley says, a little too loudly for the closed office space. She backs to the door. “Just a surprise, is all. Thanks again.” She yanks the door open and simultaneously puts on a hat and sunglasses, weak disguise gear.

I can’t be pregnant right now, she repeats in her mind as she heads for the rear entrance of the clinic.

She doesn’t want to risk the front entrance where possible paparazzi could be. Luckily the clinic understood this. She doesn’t want anyone to know about this, especially since it’s such a shock to her.

Besides, Evan doesn’t know either…

Riley slides into her car and grips the steering wheel, her knuckles turning white. How did this happen? I was so careful.

She counts back four weeks in her head.

Evan had just wrapped up touring for his band’s third album. The day he returned was Mark’s birthday and, as jetlagged as Evan was, he still went with her and the rest of the Format to Koi restaurant to celebrate. Later that night, slightly drunk with wine, they had stumbled into their new house and…well.

Riley drops her head into the crook of her arms formed by her bent elbows.

I’m not ready for this. This couldn’t be more inconvenient.

Tears burn in her eyes. “This should be one of the happiest moments of my life,” she whispers, “and all I can think about is how much I don’t want it.”

Riley thinks back over the past year and everything that has led to this.

[elastics.]

Yehhhhhhs.

[waitingxforxyou]

Chapter One—about a year before

“Off-white, ivory, eggshell…who knew there were so many names for white?” Riley says.

“It’s like we walked into a box of Crayola crayons,” her sister Angela agrees.

The two, along with their mother and the Format’s publicist Allison Reyes, are standing in the center of a bridal shop in Los Angeles. They’re looking for Riley’s wedding and bridesmaid dresses while she’s on a brief break from touring.

The Format has just released their second album Everything Has Changed overseas and is currently working on a third album amidst their second U.S. tour. The plan is to finish the U.S. tour in the next few weeks, immediately tour Europe, parts of Asia, and Australia, return home to finish up the third album, and then release that and tour worldwide.

It’s a confusing and grueling schedule and a lot of hard work, but Riley loves it.

She absentmindedly fingers the lace material of a dress. I mean, who wouldn’t want to do what they love for a living, she reasons.

Mrs. Thomas studies some bridesmaid dresses. “Honey, don’t you think these would be lovely for the girls?” she asks, holding up a pink concoction.

Riley makes a face. “Mom, it’s…how do I put this nicely…”

“Horrendous,” Angela finishes.

“Yeah.” Riley nods and grins. “Cotton candy massacre, that’s what they would call it.”

Allison raises her eyebrows and hides a smirk. She jots down a few things on a clipboard.

Mrs. Thomas pouts and returns to the dress to its former place. “Since when did you two start getting along?”

Angela shrugs. “Riley’s not so much of a snot-nosed brat anymore.”

“And Angela doesn’t act like she has a stick up her ass anymore,” Riley adds.

“Hm.” Mrs. Thomas studies the dress again. “What’s wrong with this one? I think it’s cute.”

“I’m just not wearing that,” Angela declares. “I’d look like a chewed-up Skittle.”

“Taste the rainbow,” Riley hisses and they giggle insanely.

“Okay, okay, I have bad taste,” Mrs. Thomas says, throwing her hands up. “But can we please get something? We’ve been in three shops and haven’t found anything, honey.”

Riley sighs. “Okay, I’ll be serious. But it’s not my fault if everything has sucked.”

“And it’s not our fault if you’re too picky,” Allison chimes in.

“I’m not picky, I just know what I like. Hey!” Riley eyes her. “I thought you were on my side!”

“Oh, is that what you’ve thought for all this time?” Allison tips her head back and laughs quietly.

Allison Reyes is an attractive woman in her early thirties. She had joined the Format a year ago as their publicist. Eventually she toured with them and took on the role of unofficial assistant manager. She, Riley, and Angela have bonded so much that they’re now best friends and refer to their group as the “Girl’s Club.”

Riley pretends to be hurt by putting on a fake puppy dog face.

“That doesn’t fool me, Ry, but yes, I am on your side.”

“Good.” Riley turns her attention to the dresses. “What color do you and Angela want to wear as my bridesmaids? I don’t care.”

Allison taps her clipboard with her pen. “It doesn’t matter to me. I’ll wear whatever you want as long as you’re happy…even if it’s a chewed-up Skittle.”

“Same here,” Angela says. “What about your dress, Riley? That’s the most important.”

“Remember, you can always wear my dress,” Mrs. Thomas offers.

“Um, thanks, Mum…”

“Mum, Riley can’t have your dress. She has to have her own.” Angela touches a dress hanging nearby.

Riley shifts on her feet. “I’ll find something, don’t worry,” she assures them.

The truth is, she’s been designing her own dress with a friend in L.A. She wants to keep it a secret so that everyone will be surprised. In a good way, I hope, she thinks.

She spots a flash of pale blue in the corner and makes her way over to it. She pulls out a calf-length pale blue dress with thin straps and a hint of shimmer.

“That’s a nice color,” Mrs. Thomas remarks.

Riley holds it up for Angela and Allison to see. “What do you two think?”

“Fine by me. I love the color,” Angela replies.

“Same here,” Allison says.

“That’s settled then.”

They pay for the dresses and schedule appointments for alterations. Then the four exit the shop and stroll down the street.

Allison checks her clipboard. “Okay, I have us down for two at the cake shop.”

“Good. I was getting hungry.” Riley kicks a rock along the pavement with her boot.

“I hate that you have to do everything so close together,” Mrs. Thomas says. “Isn’t that stressful?”

Riley shrugs. “It’s the only time I have, really. I mean, Evan’s career and my career aren’t slowing down any time soon.”

“I just hate that you have to rush it. You won’t even have time for your honeymoon.”

[waitingxforxyou]

Riley smiles. “Our wedding is still six months away, you know. Besides, I’ve been everywhere in the world and so has he. Where could we possibly go for a honeymoon? Plus, June is the only open time we have for awhile to get married. We don’t want to wait.”

“Evan and Riley don’t really need a honeymoon, if you know what I mean,” Angela snickers.

Riley’s face reddens and she smacks Angela. “Shut up! Geez, could you embarrass me a little more?”

Allison muffles her laughter behind her hand.

“I’ll act like I didn’t hear that,” Mrs. Thomas says. She puts her hand on Riley’s shoulder. “Well, just try not to get too stressed out, honey. Are you sure you’re ready?”

Riley looks down at the diamond engagement ring on her finger, glinting in the afternoon sun. She remembers the gorgeous background of Paris and the love in Evan’s face when he’d proposed to her.

“I’m ready,” she says confidently.

[ginger]

Thumbs up! It's great!

[waitingxforxyou]

Chapter Two

After selecting the wedding cake and picking bouquets of flowers, the four eat an early dinner. Then Allison goes home and Angela and Riley take their mother to her hotel.

“Thanks for coming, Mum,” Riley says, hugging her. “It means a lot.”

“I wouldn’t miss it for anything,” Mrs. Thomas says, hugging her back. “And you…” She turns to Angela. “You take care of yourself. And your sister too.”

“Will do.” Angela musses Riley’s hair.

“Hey!” Riley shrieks.

They wave goodbye to their mother and head out of the lobby. The December air is unusually chilly and Riley rubs her bare arms for warmth.

“So, how does it feel?” Angela asks. She unlocks her car door and they slide into it. She’d moved out to L.A. earlier that year to be closer to Riley and Eric, her boyfriend and the Format’s drummer.

“How does what feel?”

“How does it feel to be twenty-two and on top of the world?”

Riley looks around the car’s interior. “This is the top of the world? I thought it was just your Honda.”

“Haha,” Angela says dryly. “Come on, you know what I mean. You’re this awesomely talented musician adored around the world, you’re gorgeous, everyone thinks you have the coolest style, and you’re marrying Evan Taubenfeld, who is currently the hottest rock star in the world. You’re twenty-two and invincible. So how does it feel?”

Riley gazes out the window at the passing store windows and buildings. “It doesn’t feel like that, I guess. I never thought about it.”

“What’s it feel like then?”

“It just…” Riley searches for the word. “It just feels normal, just something I’m doing. I don’t feel different from anyone else. They live their lives and I live mine.”

“That’s reasonable, I suppose.” Angela flips on the radio and the relaxing sounds of John Coltrane fill the car. They’re silent the rest of the way to Riley and Evan’s apartment.

“Well, kiddo…” Angela pulls into a parking space in front of the looming building. “I guess this is where I say goodbye.”

“Alright.” Riley starts to step out of the car, but pulls her feet back inside. “Could you maybe stay with me tonight?”

“Come on, Riley, you’re a big girl!”

“Pwease, Angie?” Riley gives her puppy dog eyes. “Best big sister in the whole wide world!”

Angela sighs in mock exasperation. “Okay. Let me call Eric.”

The two take the elevator upstairs and Riley unlocks the apartment. When she moved in with Evan over a year ago, it had been a huge, bare space. Sine then she had decorated it and now it feels like home.

“You know where the phone is,” Riley says. She adjusts the thermostat while Angela talks to Eric in the kitchen. Looks like it’s gonna be a cold California winter, she thinks.

Angela emerges from the kitchen through the swinging door. “That’s settled. And now, I’m exhausted! Just give me some pajamas and a bed.”

“Say please,” Riley says with a cheeky grin, leading her to the bedroom.

“Babe, I’m doing you a favor. Don’t give me attitude.” Angela playfully tugs at Riley’s hair.

“Ouch! I’m sorry!” Riley laughs and hands her a pair of pajamas.

After they get ready for bed, Angela throws herself onto the bed and stretches out. “Ah, this is so comfortable…”

“Yeah, I picked out the bedspread and sheets and stuff. Before, Evan just had these stiff white sheets. He’s clueless with that kind of thing.”

Angela makes a face. “Oh wait…you and Evan do…things in the bed…ew!” She leaps up. “I’m not sleeping in here!”

Riley rolls her eyes. “You dumbass, it’s not like he has cooties and they’re waiting to attack you.”

Angela stares at her. “Would you sleep in me and Eric’s bed without feeling slightly creeped out?” she asks rhetorically.

“Good point. Okay, we’ll sleep in the living room. We can camp out!”

They set up blankets and pillows on the floor in the living room. Then they decide to make popcorn and watch a movie.

Just as Riley is sitting down with a bowl of popcorn, the telephone rings.

“I’ll get it!” she chirps and picks up the phone. “Hello?”

“Hey pumpkin…” Evan’s voice comes through the line, muffled with static.

“Evan!” Riley shrieks and claps her hand over her mouth.

Angela shakes her head. “Why don’t you bust his eardrums, dork? Here, give me the phone and you go grab the bedroom extension so you can have some privacy.”

Riley races to the bedroom and clambers for the phone. “I got it!” she screams to Angela. “Evan? Are you still there?”

[waitingxforxyou]

“I’ve become half-deaf in the past two seconds, but yes, I am here.”

“Sorry…so…” She toys with a piece of her hair. “Where are you?”

“I’m in…” Evan pauses. “Fuck, where am I?”

Riley giggles. “Hopefully not with some other girl.”

“Hell no. I can tell you where I wish I was though.”

“And where would that be?”

“With you.”

“Aw.” Riley lets go of her hair and begins twisting and untwisting the phone cord around her finger. “I wish you were here too.”

“Yeah, I—what?” Evan mumbles something to someone who must be standing near him. “Okay, sorry, that was Jeremy. He says we’re en route to Vienna.”

“That means it’s like four in the morning over there! Have you slept at all?”

“A few hours. It’s hard to fall asleep.”

“Well, excuse me for sounding like your mother,” Riley says, “but try to sleep some more, okay? You need sleep. Last tour you were so exhausted it took me a week to get you out of the apartment.”

Evan laughs. “Wow, you do sound like my mother. I’ll try though. And you, young lady, better eat something on tour. I need more to hold on to.”

Riley switches the phone to her other ear. “I see. You’re one to talk. You--”

“Yeah, yeah…so, your sister is there?”

“Yep. We were doing wedding things today.” It’s so weird talking about wedding stuff, Riley thinks. I still can’t believe I’m getting married.

“How’s that going?” He cuts in before she can answer. “Listen, pumpkin, I feel bad that I’m not helping with much of anything. Is there something I can do?”

“No, we have it under control.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, Evan, geez!” Riley rolls over on the bed.

“Okay, I’m sorry, I’m just making sure.”

“And now you’re sure. Let’s go back to what you were saying before about wanting to be here with me…I’m very interested in that part of the conversation…”

Evan laughs again. “You just want compliments, vain little girl.”

“I’m waiting…” Riley taps her fingers against the receiver.

“Okay…here we go…how about, you are my reason for breathing?”

“That’s not bad.”

“Selective. Alright.” He lowers his voice. “If I was there right now, I would--”

Angela picks up the other phone and yells, “Riley, are we watching the movie or not?”

“Yes, hang up!” Riley waits for the click and then sighs. “I guess I should go. And you should to, to get some sleep.”

“Like I said, I’ll try.” Evan makes a weird noise against the phone.

“Um, what are you doing?”

“Giving you a kiss.”

“Loser.”

“That’s mean!”

“Aw baby, you know I don’t mean it…”

“RILEY! COME ON AND WATCH THE MOVIE!” Angela shouts.

“OKAY!” Riley shouts back. “Evan, I have to go. Angela’s going spastic in our apartment.”

“Brutal. Good night…or good morning, really…I love you.”

“I love you too.” She has to bite her lip to hide the huge grin that wants to spread across her face. She hangs up and returns to the living room.

“Finally!” Angela is lying upside down on the couch. “Look, it’s raining outside.” She walks to the window and stares outside.

Riley joins her. The window has fogged up and she writes her name on the condensation with her finger. The rain is pouring down outside and makes a dull, yet soothing, sound on the roof. “Weather like this makes me miss Evan the most,” she says out of nowhere.

“Why is that?”

[waitingxforxyou]

“I don’t know. Rain just makes me feel kind of lonely, like I’m shut off from the world and then I feel like I need him so I’m not lonely anymore.”

“I’ll be honest, I don’t see how you guys make your relationship work.” Angela shakes her head. “I mean, I’m crazily missing Eric when he’s touring with you and I can’t go. I can’t imagine how hard it is for you and Evan.”

“Yeah, well.” Riley continues staring out the window.

“I can’t believe you’re getting married…my little sister…it’s so weird to think about. Not that I think you can’t do it or anything,” Angela continues. “It’s just weird.

“I know. I feel strange towards the idea too. I just…” Riley moves her focus from the window to her engagement ring. “You know in the car you said I was invincible?”

“Yes…”

“Well I’m not. I…gosh, why am I about to cry?” Riley brushes away a few stray tears. “I can play to thousands of people I don’t know without being nervous, but I’m scared of my own wedding. What if I can’t go through with it? What if I’m not a good wife? I screw up all the time, but I just can’t screw this up! And what about Evan, what if he feels the same way about it? I just don’t know and it hurts that I don’t know.”

“Riley, look at me.” Angela puts her hands on Riley’s shoulders. “There is no need to be nervous about this! You’re just having those wedding jitters, is all. Evan loves you and you love Evan. That’s all that matters. You said earlier you were ready for this, right?”

“Right.”

“Then you’re ready and everything else, any other doubt, will just work itself out.”

“I suppose you’re right.” Riley turns back to the window and writes Evan’s name under her own.

[maze]

AWWWWWWWWWW well everyone will now know that this is one of my most favourite stories also as it is joined into the If You Come To Me chain of thingys. Haha great wrok Nicole.