Belles

[Avryck41]

^^ haha I was wondering the same thing!

[elastics.]

And what was up with him opening the door on me? I mean, I could’ve been doing something and he just went in. It’s as if I have no privacy. And ordering me around to pick up the condoms, it’s just so ridiculous.

Sometimes I don’t know what to do with all of this.

I stared into my face in the mirror, my hands stretching it at the sides for no set purpose whatsoever.

Okay, okay, it’s just picking up condoms. And, I shouldn’t make Elle and Ken pick them up because that’d be rude, though Ken would deserve to and the guests shouldn’t see condoms, but…

It’s just incredibly disgusting and unsanitary.

I grabbed a bag from the bathroom to clean up the condoms. I don’t even know why I’m actually doing this.

Just take it easy and suck it up. I’ve been telling myself that way too much lately. Stupid drama. However, spray painted melodrama is perfectly acceptable.

Slowly, I emerged from the bathroom, looking around to see if Ken was watching. When he watches, he’s downright creepy. Like those owls ..those freaky eyes, moving around in the dark….

Thank God he wasn’t near.

I squatted down.

“Hello my little condom friends.”

I started clearing out the condoms, but some of the residue was still stuck on the floor. Ew. I am so not cleaning that up.

They can just blame it on people not using coasters. That’s annoying – I mean, furniture is expensive and to ruin other peoples’ by reckless usage of cups..it’s just disheartening.

“Kendra?” a small voice quipped.
“Yeah?” I looked up from the ground to see Elle staring down at me quizzically.

Elle doesn’t know that Ken makes me do excess tasks. That was something I neglected to mention earlier. He acts like he owns Elle and makes me do stuff. This other time he made me do dishes which were all crusty-like and hard to clean.

“What are you doing?”
“Uh,” I brushed myself off as I stood up, “I was just examining the exquisite pattern on the rug!”
“It’s a wooden floor.”

“Erm, Ellie, does it disturb you all these condoms?” I gestured.
“Not really, I’m used to it,” she responded, “I think it’s rather sweet that he’s so free and let’s everything fall.”

How is that sweet? I mean, aren’t there bugs that eat semen? And then there’d be mold or some other grossness that hasn’t emerged yet, though it really should’ve.

I want to take a picture and claim the room to have had the most condoms in a certain radius. A digital picture, that is, so I can put it on my MySpace and make tons of new and cool friends!

“Oh. Uh, you know, have people started coming?”
“Not yet, but why are you clearing out the condoms?”
“’Cause, well, I thought it’d be better…”
“I’m not embarrassed of them – they’re very decorative and purty.”
“Right.”

I stared down at the ground.

“I’m sorry,” I mutter, “I’ll just go check on the food.”
“Thankies!” Elle said in a high-pitched voice, “Have fun!”
“Will do.”

Unable to understand what just happened, I trudged towards the kitchen.

She loves Ken, but doesn’t realize that he makes me do stuff like that and why the hell do I even do stuff like that? I don’t even think I make sense. That’s okay, though, I don’t have a desire to have coherent thoughts at this point in time.

“Hey, Ken!” I say cheerily, “do you like…?” I stop as I see him stuffing the dip and all the other edibles in his mouth.

That is some tasty shit right there and he’s making it go into his greedy stomach. This is so hard to watch.

What would possess him to do something like that? I mean, how fucked up can you be? He’s so bizarre..like Poptart knockoffs.

“Hiya, Kendra,” he choked through his food, “I were just having a snack.”

Nice grammar there, Ken, you deserve a pat on the back. And, ew, talking with your mouth open! All that food and plaque just there, sitting and rolling inside your mouth…

Where’s Mr. Swoosh Green the Magnificent? AKA Listerine. So sexy and makes your mouth minty fresh!

“Okay, cool, erm, what are the guests going to consume?”
“Hm,” he put his finger to his full mouth, “no idea. Salmon?” he gleamed.

I rolled my eyes. Idiot.

“No, I think they’d prefer all the excess semen on your condoms! I knew there was a purpose in your leaving them all about. You know that you can’t have them because you’re too much of an ass, so you have to have the ‘feeling’ of them all giving you a frickin blow job!”
“Um,” he blushed, “maybe.”

And I was just being ridiculous. Well, that’s interesting.

“Elle loves me,” he jumbled, “she likes swallowing.”
“Right, of course! Just keep telling yourself that.” I patted his back, making him gag a bit.

It’s sad Mr. Heimlich’s procedure is not technically supposed to be used coz people were suing. He reminded me of checkers.

“She does and you’re just intrusive.”
“True, but I actually have good tastes. Mustard?” I questioned as I observed his mouth lined with a somewhat liquidy, yellow substance. “I prefer things whipped,” I winked as I squirted whipped cream into my mouth.

So creamy. And good, haha. It’s like a sugary snow storm in my mouth!

“Better than ketchup,” he retorted, “Canadian.”

What? That was random.

“You know, being racist is not cool, especially to our fun neighbors up north.”

Seriously, Canada is the shit. I’ve always wanted to go to a McDonald’s in Quebec and order a Big Mac and then talk to the other people eating there in French and see if they care. Je’mapple Kendra. HAHAHA, I have mad French skillz, don’t mess with me!

“Fun neighbours?”
“Yes, our fun neighbours.”
“But,” he sputtered, “they like hockey and say eh like idiots.”
“Are you a Canadaphobe? I hear there’s counseling for that now. Just because you’re Canadian is no reason to be ashamed.”
“What the fuck?”
“Seriously, many people are USAphobes and there are many support programs and the Canada ones are just starting. The first step is to admit you have a problem.”
“I am gay!” he suddenly announced.

I don’t even know if I was looking for that answer, he just needed to stop being such a jerk. Canada is the best! Yet another reason I loathe Ken.

“I never looked at you that way, coz I always thought you were gay,” I chirped, recalling the fifth track on The Veronica’s debut disc.
“And now you’re being a homophobe.”
“Apparently, you don’t like The Veronica’s. And Australian culture, American.”
“I do, I do, Elle likes them and she went to one of their shows, and, um, but, 4Ever is a perky song, but I’m not sure, like, you know,” he stuttered.

Wow, he didn’t slap back me on my insult. Something is seriously wrong. And, sadly, I don’t think he’s gay.

“I’m leaving. Goodbye,” he said as he left the room suddenly.

I looked down at the ground, giving his back a weird look as he walked away.

Weird.

I didn’t even mean what I was saying before; I was just trying to get him pissed. He didn’t even ask me about the condoms.

I can’t think without a snack. Hmmm…crackers! Seriously, I’m going to eat crackers. They’re really tasty.

I went to get the crackers and started stuffing them into my mouth.

Why would Ken say that he’s gay? It was so random, and if he really is, I should support him, but…

Wait – am I caring about Ken? No, it can’t be.

Someone give me an lobotomy and make it all go away.

A sharp ringing resounds in my ears. Ew, someone’s here.

I guess I’ll go answer that one.

[Avryck41]

Haha nice work!!! CANADA ROCKS lol!

[waitingxforxyou]

i think elle has been brainwashed.

[elastics.]

“Hello,” I said dully, “Ken or Elle?”
“Elle,” a well-kept young, office slut chirped sweetly, “we are bestest friends at the office!”
“Right.”
Nice job using made-up words for your own perky, perfume-filled agenda. I have no idea who she is, Elle has never mentioned her. What ‘bestest’ friends they must be.

“Come in,” I gestured, “I’m Kendra, Elle’s friend.”

I neglected the best in front of the last word so this girl would be all happy and possibly get screwed with wine and end up like a paperclip.

Not that I know what that would entail, because, erm, I have completely no idea what I meant by the above statement.

“Oh, hi! Elle’s said so much about you, sweetie!”
“Great,” I grunted.

She came inside and I told her to sit on the couch where pretzels and other yummy stuff that Ken hadn’t eaten were.

“Hey, I have to go do something, be right back!” I shouted over to her, “feel free to munch!”
“Okay, but these aren’t the healthiest things…”
“What did you expect? We have a budget and unhealthy stuff is cheap and over processed. Anyways, this is a party.”

Wait – if things are over processed like chips and stuff, then wouldn’t it take more work so it’d be more expensive to produce over processed foods…

I am an idiot most of the time.

“Well, Elle is very health-concerned; we share celery sticks with non-fat ranch dressing.”
“Did you know that when you reduce things to non-fat it ruins the flavor of it so then you have to eat more than if you just had the regular stuff?”
“No, because that’s not true.”
“You’ll see…”

I was so mysterious in saying that, which should’ve accented my point. My point being, that I have no idea what I’m saying half the time I’m saying it.

I rotated my body so I was facing the other way, “See ya in a few.”

Ken better not have ate all the food. Otherwise, I’ll have to go to beat him with a wet noodle! Just kidding. I’d beat him with salmon!

I peeked into the kitchen, “Ken?” after not getting a response I said, “one of Elle’s friends is here, we really need to kick this up a notch.”

I fully walked into the kitchen, taking in the sight. Food was scrawled across the walls and it was, quite simply, a mess.

What the hell happened here?

“Kendra?” Elle quivered, “he left.”

Elle..Elle’s here..

I switched around quickly, “What?!”
“He left. He put this letter here and it said, ‘ska864njks’ which obviously means that he left me.”
“Not that he went to go get some skater ninjas, but he was just kidding?” I asked to try and soften the mood.

I really do not get it sometimes how they communicate.

Why would Ken leave Elle? Maybe there was some infidelity shit and he found this already rich person and he was all ‘yayyy’, but didn’t know how to tell Elle.

“I don’t think that’s the case,” Elle said seriously, “I just want to know what went wrong.”
“Well, I dunno, but your bestest friend from the office is here.”

Elle groaned, “I see.”
“Mmhmm.”
“I’ll sort this out, you stay here.” I instructed.
“Okay,” she muttered weakly as she fell to the ground helplessly.
“Elle, it’s going to be fine. I’m going to work this out. Just make up an excuse.”
“Like what?”
“A killer squirrel came in here and messed up the kitchen and took Ken hostage.”
“Seriously.”
“Seriously, squirrels are extremely freaky. Anyways, just tell them Ken had to get something and subtly imply condoms.”

And that would be completely perfect! ‘Cause their house is decorated with that and we all know that when I get Ken back from whatever the hell he was doing, he’ll want to fuck Elle. No questions asked. Unless, I’m being too optimistic here, eh.

“Okay…”
“I’ll be back soon; I promise!”

Elle sighed.

This is so fucked up! Ken used to be an idiot because he was a bastard to Elle, but now he’s just confusing. Someone needs to see someone. And, I can quite assure you, it’s not me.

“Elle, sit tight. This will be sorted,” I tried to reassure.

I hope Elle will be alright. After all, she is a great person that deserves a loving person – AKA not Ken.

Meh.

I went out the backdoor to avoid any confusion. I really hope Ellie can handle this.

[Avryck41]

Hey awesome update! Why did Ken leave...btw I didn't understand his little message, at all...lolll!

[waitingxforxyou]

“Did you know that when you reduce things to non-fat it ruins the flavor of it so then you have to eat more than if you just had the regular stuff?”
“No, because that’s not true.”
“You’ll see…”

hahahaha so true

and where did ken go? he's a messed up douche bag.

[ginger]

Originally Posted by Avryck41

Hey awesome update! Why did Ken leave...btw I didn't understand his little message, at all...lolll!

Yeah, why did he leave?


I heart this story.

[elastics.]

I closed the door softly behind me.

Woo.

"Ken!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, "donde esta?!"

I know it's kind of pointless to scream in a foriegn language that Ken probably would not be able to comprehend, but I have to try something and I don't have many ideas.

This is hopeless.

Where could Ken be?

Without any ideas, I jumped into my car, figuring that I could just drive around and see where he was.

His car was gone, after all.

My car skidded down the road happily like a turtle kicking the rabbit's ass in a race, looking for Ken.

The scenery was nice, very relaxing, but driving around aimlessly when agitated isn't cool!

Like, this one time at band camp...

No, seriously, I was sixteen and had just gotten my license and was driving over to my friend's house and I was pissed coz my lollipop dissapeared and was nowhere to be found and I accidently ran over a seagull named Sammy.

You may wonder how I know his name. Quite simply, he had an S branded on himself so I only assumed. I swear he coughed, "100 licks" before he died. The seagull most definitely stole my lollipop!

"Ken Jennings?" I questioned lightheadedly as I tapped the steering wheel.

His last name was not Jennings, though, Ken Jennings is just really hot and smart and Jeopardy fantastic! I'd go Mormon for him.

I'm just going slightly psycho looking for him.

Happy times!

I'm kinda hungry..that tea is not holding me. Actually, it was kind of gross. I want a frappuchino.

But I'll settle for Taco Bell! 'Cause it's kinda Spanish, y'know? Sexy, too..fast food, but mmm.

Drive thru! W00t!

"Hey, sweetie!" I screamed into the box, "I'd like TACOS, spaz!"
"Can you specify you're order, please?" a rough, crackly voice asked.
"Um, well, I don't really care..I have money!"

I accelerated to where you pick up the food.

I love messing with people in the food industry. Mostly because I'm a part of it and I like to see other peoples' reactions to consumers doing stupid things. Bloody hell, why is the consumer always right?

"Heya!" I screamed into the window where you get your food, "do you have mi comida?"

Fast-food people have to be quick with their Espanol. A skill that's very needed. Who knows when a consumer will ask for el tocino con leche? Muy importante.

"Yes, uh, $7.67."
"Aiight," I moved around to find some spare cash.

Why is it so expensive? I guess they might've done something extra to my order..hopefully not bad.

"Here ya go, sweetie," I handed her the money as I grabbed the bag, "you have a lameass day, y'hear?"

And I sped away quickly after.

Hah.

Bitches.

I don't care about going back for my change because pennies are worthless. They're soon going to be obsolete. Poor Abraham Lincoln..those people from Kentucky must be so sad. Or Illinois..don't really know where he's from or where he had prominence, so sad. All I know is that he had a gay lover! (..how is that speculation? He had marital problems with Mary Todd or whatever!)

Okay..now to find Ken. Focus. Where would Ken hang out?

Where?

Where?

I guess he could be at his friend, James' house...

Let's see there..bastard better be there.