CHEAPTHRILLS ON TEH BW...avvie & derder!!

[elastics.]

“Hey, Avril, does this make me look…voluptuous?” Deryck asked, while waving his ass around like he was a monkey.

Which, really, he was, when at 2PM on Saturdays he morphed into George W. Bush and ran America. (The prime minister of Canada really has no power…and Canadians are softly scary with their diplomacy.)

For real! They’re like fluffy – not like Paris Hilton’s cat, mind you. That’s hot.

“Der, sweetie, stop it! You’re so foxy, rawr!” Avril screeched lightheartedly.

“Avey, dear, thanks,” Deryck smiled as he enveloped Avril into a tight, highly sensual embrace.

The recently married couple loved playing with each other – especially the different ways that they could “excite” each other. Deryck was an avid user of handcuffs and bondage gear that he picked up from his friend, bdsm.com.

Also from his other friend bondage.com.

See, Deryck doesn’t have many friends, really. It may possibly be because when he was asked what four plus one was he responded, “one!!! BECUZ I’M NUMBAAA ONEEEEEEEE!!” or that he just likes drugs too much. Who knows.

At the present time, Avril and Deryck were getting ready for the Grammy’s. Avril was nominated for three, including one for her bratty and playful single, “Girlfriend”.

Secretly, Avril was planning on meeting her old guitarist and friend, Evan Taubenfeld, in the bathrooms with the little dove on the fountain with the chocolate and cheddar fondue and the blue splotched tile floor with cheeseburger macaroni.

Hot damn, that really does exist!

But, of course, Avril was afraid to tell Deryck of this fact because he might get jealous – even though Paris Hilton was pitted against Av with her song, “Stars are Blind”. Avril was the clear favorite, so it was no worries for her – it was just ironic considering Girlfriend’s subject matter.

Sadly, however, Avril wasn’t nominated for any Junos because, well – of her husband’s status in American government. AV=NO CANADIAN, BABEEEEEEEEEEEEYYSSSSS!~!!!!

That just had to be said…*sigh*

So she’s liek one of those em amerikans now.

Which also means that she had to axe poutine from her diet.

Poor Avie.

[waitingxforxyou]

Hehe. I love you.

[elastics.]

Avril never had a crush on Mr. Taubenfekld, however (that is his name, y'know...he had it legally changed because "it made him want catnip more than usual" - but hot damn, it costs an average of $100...and that poor guy who's name is now Peyton Manning - liek dude you do not put all that on the line for a sporting team...

And, yes, hot damn is the best phrase teh evarrrrrr.

"Hey, Derry, let's goooooooo," Avril whined after she had put on her pink sparkly tank top, "I wannnna get there early so I can get some shit from the fondue fountians!"

"Of course, my sexpot," Deryck slurred, orange juice evident with his breath.

"Der, I told you to stop with the OJ! It's bad for you!" Av chided, "milk has all the necessary nutriets and sh!t. I wanna be alive with you until we're old, okay? STAY HEALTHY!!"

"Hmm..okay, maybe I'll get some fondue then..lol except that I hate it."

"Alright," Avril says as she tore away from their embrace and started for the door, "we better get to the awards."

---

"Evannnnnn," Avril hissed into the darkness of the bathroom.

"Yea? Av?" a deep chortle responded warmly.

"Yes, it's me, come here. I have a secret for you."

Curious, Avril stepped forward, looking around for Evan.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, Evan appeared, a grin highlighting his entire face.

He quickly grabbed Avril's face and tucked his lips against hers passionately for approximately 8938275r892375893457 minutes. Yes, r is a measure of time, duuuhhhhhhh.

"I love you, Avril."

[waitingxforxyou]

No! You don't mix Avril and Evan, LOL!

Nicole Taubenfekld...it could work

[ktg205]

this is hilarious

[panic]

hahaha i love it! keep going

[bunny]

this is funny

[Kaity]

why is this making me giggle? hehehe..

[Phili]

....Deryck is also George W. Bush?

Whaaaat?

[elastics.]

Completely confused and feeling dirty because she was married, Avril backed away, "Evan..." she said softly while wiping her lips, "what about your girlfriend, Nicole?"

"She's a bitch," he scowled, "it was always Jeremy this Jeremy that...fucker."

"Oh, is that it?" Avril asked, not wanting to get in the middle of the notorious J-E-N love triangle.

And, yes, Jen the other women, but there can't be a love square..why OH WHY?!

Jks, actually.

See, Nicole was a women Evan met through a friend and eventually they became a couple, but during that time Evan's bandmate, Jeremy Faccone, had a crush on Nicole. And, apparently, they fooled around when Evan was off jacking off with a ruler (even though Jeremy really should be the one masturbating...he likes it, yeah)

So Evan found out and got mad and made Nicole make chocolate chip cookies for him and say, "yeahaw! Lima is the capital of Peru!!!!!"

But Jeremy knew that the capital of Honduras was Tecgucigalpa, so naturally, Nicole gave him a burnt marshmallow. Evan got jealous and shoved cookie dough in N's mouth, but Jeremy kissed Nicole in his mind and Evan got jealous.

Things have been rocky between Evan and Jeremy ever since. So rawr.

"Avril, please, I've always loved you."

Shock coming into to her, she contorted her face as she twirled the pink segment of her hair, "I know - platonically. I have a husband."

"You only like him cuz he's Bush and a major world power, but he's only that sometimes!"

"No, that was just a freak accident," Avril explained, "listen, Ev, it'll be alright."

"AVRIL RAAAMMMM LAVIGNE!!" he screeched loudly, "listen to me!!"

Quickly, he slapped her across the face.

"Um, ok," Avril stuttered as she took a few steps back and rubbed her chin, "go on."

Evan glared at Avril for a few seconds before sitting on a plush red chair.

"Mrs. Deryck Whibley, I...I'm..sorry, but I."

"What Evan? I don't have all day!" Avril said, obviously pissed because she didn't want to spend the Grammy's in a bathroom with Evan Taubenfeld.

"I, Av, I need support...I have...AIDs.."