Evan & his epiphany

[elastics.]

In this world, there are many “particulars” – set ways how to act and be, which are annoying as hell. Cultural mores, if you will. But does lighting a tree on fire to be PC (politically correct, not a computer) really do anything? You’re correct – therefore, I’m going to light an American flag on fire without it previously touching the ground.

“Hey, Evan,” Jeremy Faccone, my band mate called out to me, “you’re a Jew, right?”

“Uh, yeah,” I laughed, not sure where he was leading.

Our band, the Black List Club, had just finished laying down the tracks for our debut album, It’s More Fun on Top.

It had taken a lot – almost a ridiculous – amount of time to finish it, but personally, I believe it’s pretty dang good. I hoped my friends would love it. And, I meant the friends here: www.myspace.com/blacklistclub

Cautiously, I scooped my guitar from its stand to put it away in my case as the Faccone twirled around like a princess.

“Right, so I’m Christian and you’re a Jew, so we can’t be any friends,” he said seriously.

“W to the tf?” I raised my eyebrows incredulously.

It seemed like all of this was coming out of nowhere; like a man with a lead pipe who wants to assassinate me…er, no, I can quite assure you that never happened!

Really. It didn’t. I wasn’t sworn to secrecy or anything.

Scout’s honor. Except, I never got to be an eagle scout L

“Can I tell you a story?” Jeremy asked me as he sat on an amp.

“Sure,” I muttered, not sure if he was joking with me.

“Well, I was listening to the news – I know, totally not me at all, but I heard there were gonna be some chicks doing yoga and you know how hot that makes me, hehheh,” he scrunched up immaturely, “but then,” he emphasized dramatically while flourishing with his hands, “there was the bald guy with a toupee telling me of current events…” Jeremy trailed off.

Well, at least this isn’t as weird as when Jeremy stuffed angel food cake in his mouth…

“Uh-huh,” I noted that I was listening as I grabbed a Dorito out of my pocket and sat on a nearby amp.

Playfully, I looked at him intently with gooey eyes, issuing him to continue.

“Yes, and he said that there was a group of people protesting putting Christmas trees in public places, like office buildings and schools and people got offended. You know, “political correctness” and not trying to offend someone. And, I just think it’d be offensive if we were still friends…”

So, that was as clear as a monkey - *cough*GeorgeBush*cough* - speaking. In response, I popped the Dorito in my mouth and licked my lips.

“Are you f’serious?” I questioned after I had finished my snack.

“Yes, completely.”

“You know,” I started as I opened a pop can (I have unlimited sources of food because I’m secretly a magical fairy!), “we’re ‘people’s of the book’ according to Islam…we’re all like shazzzaaammmmed together!!”

That’s totally true – and my sis told me that in her history class they were studying Islam and she learned that there are some prayer rooms in schools. Oh and that she thought Connor was cute…whatever that means.

“No, I can’t. It was presented in such a way that was so breathtaking and glorious. We cannot be friends anymore, Evan Taubenfeld.”

So…what? Wait. Am I now dealing with bias and PCness? Oh jeez.

“Can you explain further?”

“No, really, I can’t. We’re too different to be friends, simple as that,” he stood up and faced me, “I’m sorry, but I can only associate with my own religion,” he sighed.

Without saying a word, his Converse slapped on the cheap rug and he was gone, leaving a crinkled note in his place.

If that was any weirder, I could’ve cut the weirdness with a butter knife.

I grabbed the note and read it:

Evan-

So, you’ve probably heard about my decision by now. I’m writing this before I tell you, hehe. And I just left it subtly! Um, yeah…so, really I was watching the news and they depicted a man who held offensive (a Jew) to a Christmas tree and I know that you’re Jewish and I’m Christian and I well…I just couldn’t let that happen to us! That’d be totally terrible. We can put up an act for the band, especially the fans, but we just can’t be friends. You’re a Jew, and I’m Catholic – we can’t mix, the TV told me so.

-Jeremy Faccone

And that had quite a bit of info in it!

Really, this was completely ridiculous!

I threw my hands up in the air in frustration, until I spotted a thin mint.

Hungry, I rushed over there and gobbled up the yummy cookie and came to a mini-epiphany.

The fact of the matter is, the real issue corrupting society (I use big words because I’m smart and my granny gives me lollipops…er, compensation) is that people don’t get the whole story. I was left with a fragmented story of Jeremy Faccone’s, unable to pick up the pieces. Not to mention he was being incredibly stereotypical…hmm, maybe he’s trying out for one of Voltaire’s not well-known plays.

See, I didn’t know at all; I was left only to assume and make conjectures/conclusions/inferences (x3, baby!!) – some of which could be completely off. Also, sometimes we tend to believe one source as fact. “Scissors are used to cut hair, kill ponies, eat cheeseburgers, aid in self-deprecation, play music, chase cheeseburgers, and be malicious lil buggers” – thank you, Wikipedia, you’re an incredibly awesome source!!

We are never given the full story; there is always some sort of bias. Even if it’s attempted to be completely neutral, it’s there. So then how are we supposed to get the ‘truth’? It’s quite paradoxical. But, maybe, the truth doesn’t exist and it’s just carefully weaved opinions. I mean, two plus two is five.

Basically, everything in the world is subjective and should be presented in an equal way so understanding is possible. Isn’t understanding the key to undoing the stupid ramifications of PCness? Or maybe it’s overreacting, heh.

The world and its issues are definitely fuels to people’s philosophic fires, but in an unfair way because sometimes – actually, normally – you don’t understand the point they’re attempting to get across, causing a myriad of issues.

Sure, you may not understand what I’ve said, but then, this is a key example of what I’m trying to say – think about it. And if you did, kudos to you, you get a pickle. (hey…it’s dill!)

Smiling at my intelligence, I gulped down a shiny glass of 2% milk knowing one thing: thin mints are f’mazing. Oh I meant two things: nothing can be assumed and people need to know the full story before they can get any concept. Okay, okay, it was three! Shut up…

And, after I ate the cookie it brought all the boys to the yard, and they were like, ‘you wanna trade facades’?

[Phili]

And more awesome writing! (This better not be a one-update story)

Geez. I hope one of my Jewish friends never sits me down and says something like that to me.

[waitingxforxyou]

I remember reading this! =)

[Vintage Disposition]

It's ridiculous how biased the society is, in general. Unfortunately, it's not something that can be resolved completely. It's just the way we are...

Man I want a thin mint now. I get those at Christmas.