Offbeat News

Ok so I've recently come across some pretty funny news stories and am going to post them here, if anyone else has any post them too




First Article:

Chinese man files for divorce four days before wedding

A Chinese man filed for divorce four days before his wedding ceremony was due to take place.

The couple, from Harbin, had just registered their marriage, and were organising the final details of the ceremony.

The South China Morning Post, quoting the China News Service, said the man caught his wife chatting online.

She was saying goodbye to her cyber lover and using lustful language, according to the report.

The groom called off the ceremony and, as they were technically married, he filed for divorce.

another one:

Goats-R-Us preventing fire, clearing grass
Wednesday, May 14, 2003 Posted: 2012 GMT ( 4:12 AM HKT)




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SAN FRANCISCO, California (Reuters) -- San Francisco, gateway to one of the most technologically advanced areas of the world, is turning back the clock and using an age-old method of clearing grass -- goats.

Dozens of goats were herded on to land close to San Francisco International Airport on Wednesday to chomp on the grass and reduce its potential as a fire hazard.

"We have some property just west of the airport here that is environmentally very sensitive and very difficult to get equipment or people in there," said Michael McCarron, director of community affairs for the airport.

"So we bring the goats in and they eat the vegetation as a fire prevention tool."

The airport is turning to a private company, Goats-R-Us, to provide the goats and a shepherd for the swampy area over a period of two weeks.

The airport is unlikely to take on the look of some developing country landing strips where animals sometimes wander right up to and even onto the tarmac.

McCarron says the area patrolled by goats is about a mile from the tarmac and separated by a highway.

Tue, May 13, 2003


House fire interrupts boy's potty training

By NATALIE PONA -- Sun Media



WINNIPEG -- It may be some time before three-year-old Antoni Lavilla gets anywhere near a potty again.

The young boy's father, Tony Lavilla, was teaching his son how to use a big boy's toilet when firefighters burst into their home at 776 Garwood Ave. yesterday evening.


Firefighters said a neighbour called in a report of smoke coming from the home about 6:40 p.m.

"It's kind of funny because he was caught with his pants down," Lavilla said, adding his son was both scared and surprised by the commotion.

The family will spend the night at a relatives home, Lavilla said.

A cat belonging to the Lavillas was still missing at press time.

The cause of the fire remained under investigation last night, fire officials said. There was no damage estimate set.

this one takes the cake:


Surprise birth for Florida woman



LAKELAND, Fla. (AP) - A woman who went to the emergency room thinking she was having an anxiety attack ended up giving birth in a hospital washroom.

"She didn't realize she was pregnant," Lakeland Regional Medical Center spokeswoman Cindy Sternlicht said. "When they asked if she had any reason to believe she was pregnant, she said, 'No.' "

Other patients waiting in the emergency room Tuesday heard the woman's screams from the restroom. They later broke into applause when a nurse emerged with the baby girl wrapped in a pink blanket.

Sternlicht said there was no time to get the woman on a stretcher or to a room. About 25 nurses and paramedics surrounded the woman while she gave birth.

Sheila Holton was at the hospital when the 1:20 p.m. birth occurred.

"I was hysterical because this lady was screaming bloody murder," Holton said.

The mother asked that no information be released about her or her child. Officials said the baby is healthy and that the mother was "healthy and smiling."

British entrepreneur opens inflatable church
The world's first inflatable church has opened its Gothic arches to worshippers, to reveal a blow-up organ, a poly-vinyl pulpit, an air-filled altar and fake stained glass windows.

The church is the brainchild of British entrepreneur Michael Gill, who says it could breathe new life into Christianity by letting preachers take their message right into their communities.

Mr Gill's church can be inflated in about three hours and can house around 60 people at a time.

The brown plastic pews can seat 12 people, but the rest of the congregation has to vie for floor space with the large PVC organ.

Mr Gill says he has already had expressions of interest from more than 20 countries and he also says he has been asked to design inflatable mosques and synagogues.

[Skytz]

Static's not gettin any support with her wacky news thing - so i'll help her out by commenting on the size of her ass.

oh, and theres this as well....

..............

Man cuts off own arm to escape reality TV nightmare

24-year-old traumatised, but expected to recover

by Lester Haines

A 24-year-old man from Lincolnshire cut off his own arm with a ring-pull from a can of Carlsberg to escape a reality television nightmare, doctors report.

After five days trapped on the sofa of his modest bedsit Dave Anglia realised that he must sacrifice the arm — or die.

Speaking from his hospital bed, Mr Anglia recounted the tale of horror beyond everyday human comprehension: "It all began when the remote fell down the back of the sofabed," stammered a visibly-limbless Anglia. "I put my hand down to retrieve it and my arm stuck fast in the folding mechanism. After an hour of trying to free myself, It became clear that it wasn't going to work itself loose. I then had to sit and wait for help to arrive."

But there was no easy escape for Mr Anglia. After three days, and still no knock on the door, desperation began to set in. "I ran out of Pringles after two days, and the last of the beer went shortly after that. And all the while the TV kept broadcasting endless footage of socially and mentally inadequate ex-celebrities simpering in the jungle somewhere," said Mr Anglia. "After a while, the banality of it all began to play on my mind. I started to hallucinate. Ridiculous visions of top-quality television drama danced before my eyes. Only then did I make the decision to cut off my own arm with the ring-pull from a beer can."

As anyone who has ever cut off their own arm can tell you, this is easier said than done. Mr Anglia has cut off his own arm, so he takes up the story: "At first I couldn't even cut the flesh covering my wrist. In fact, I needed to break the bones to stand any chance of success, so I clubbed it with a copy of OK! magazine until it went limp. After that, it was a simple matter of cutting through the tendons and muscles until I was free."

Fighting his way to the telephone with his bleeding stump in tow, Mr Anglia dialled 999 and slumped on the floor to await the ambulance. "They told me they'd definitely be round before the end of the week," recalls Anglia, "so I kept up morale by switching manually to BBC1. I reckoned there'd be some documentary strand worth watching, but all I got was an endless loop of celebrities pulling off their faces to advertise some BBC channel package. It just went on, and on, and on...."

At this point in his harrowing tale Mr Anglia broke down. Doctors asked the frantic scrum of hacks and paparazzi to let the poor lad get some rest. The assembled press respected that wish, but not before one last question: "What was the worst moment?" A sobbing Anglia did not hesitate in his reply: "John Simpson's pompous and self-satisfied face twittering on for the 200th time about 'Freeview — a new package of BBC channels...'."

Mr Anglia is expected to make a full physical recovery. His long-term mental well-being depends largely on the TV schedules.


Skytz

'Vampires or aliens' blamed for Chilean chicken slaughter

Farmers in a Chilean village are reportedly blaming vampires or aliens for the deaths of 40 chickens.



According to El Diario Austral newspaper, the chickens were found dead with their insides scattered all over their owner's backyard in Perquenco.

Juana Raasch, owner of the farm, said: "It was a horrible scene. But the strangest thing was that there was no trace of any other animal that could have done it.

"I have owned this farm for seven years and I have never seen anything like that.

"I would know if it were the work of a pig, dog, wolf or cat. What happened here was out of this world."

Police sent to the farm were puzzled by the fact that there was no evidence of an intruder, either animal or human.

A spokesman said: "It seems silly to talk about vampires and aliens, but you never know around here.

"This farm is well protected with lots of wires and fences, I don't see how an animal could have come in here.

"This is not the first time something bizarre like that has happened around here, and we have never come up with a normal explanation."

Florida man claims wife tried to kill him with perfume

A Florida woman has been arrested on a charge of aggravated battery after her husband, who is extremely chemical sensitive, claimed she tried to kill him by dousing herself with perfume.

Lynda Taylor, 36, is accused of wearing perfume, burning incense candles, and using numerous air fresheners.

She was arrested at her home in Stuart north of Miami after her husband David complained to police.

"When he came in here to write a complaint, and told us what was going on, frankly we didn' t treat it seriously," said Sergeant Janelle Atlas of the local Sheriff's Department.

Only when Mr Taylor showed investigators a letter from his physician stating that he suffered from extreme chemical sensitivity did officers take his claim seriously.

Mr Taylor was exposed to toxins when he worked as a construction labourer at a building that was later found to contain poisonous chemicals and toxic mold.

In the nine-page complaint, Mr Taylor wrote "...Lynda came in the kitchen wearing perfume...then she went around the house spraying Lysol (a liquid antispetic) and even sprayed some in my face....all day long she kept closing the windows in the house."

[Skytz]

a bit UK orientated, but i hope Michella enjoys it:

UK courts green light police-assisted suicide

Great news for depressed and terminally ill

Britain's courts this week gave the go-ahead for a radical voluntary euthanasia scheme whereby the terminally depressed or ill could present themselves for swift termination by armed police officers.

The breakthrough follows the verdict on the shooting of Michael Malsbury, 62, who died after emerging from his flat with a revolver shouting "Better get your guns out lads. I'm coming out." The inquest jury declared the incident suicide.

The ruling has been welcomed by voluntary euthanasia organisations who have until now had to travel to Switzerland to dispatch their loved ones to the hereafter. "I've got motor neurone disease," said one man who has battled for years for the right to die in the UK. "Until now, I had the prospect of ending my days in a Berne clinic looking at a cuckoo clock and nibbling on chocolate while a deadly cocktail of chemicals was fed into my arm via a drip. Now, all I have to do is barricade myself in my flat, threaten to shoot my wife and come out guns blazing. Marvellous."

Police have, however, warned that all potential suicides must follow a strict protocol. "We don't just shoot people willy-nilly for the fun of it," noted an officer from the Met's armed response unit. "Remember, it's got to stand up later in court."

Accordingly, the Met and assisted suicide campaigners have drafted a set of guidelines for those wishing to cast off this mortal coil in a hail of bullets:

Be absolutely certain that you really want to die before alerting the authorities. Wasting police time is a serious offence.
Allow officers time to talk you out of it. This is important for legal reasons. A seige is ideal.
Likewise, make sure officers are absolved of any responsibility by leaving at least one explicit suicide note. Try: "I said I would die for you. Good luck with your life". Other legally admissible notes can be found on www.copper-toppers.co.uk
Wave a gun at all times, and threaten to use it. A replica is fine or, failing that, a novelty gun cigarette lighter. Failing that, a bright yellow plastic water pistol. Failing that, just form your fingers into a gun shape and shout "bang".
Most importantly, you must emerge from the building at some point waving said weapon and hollering "You'll never take me alive copper!" If you're in a wheelchair, ask a loved one to kick you onto the street at the appropriate moment.
The new scheme has led campaigners to hope that the police force might in the future be tasked with other socially-useful roles, such as solving burglaries. "We'll have to wait and see what the courts decide on that," cautioned one bobby hiding behind the bushes on the A12 with a radar gun. "It could put a terrible strain on resources."

[VivaAvril]

whoa...I have a lot of reading to do in this thread. lol

German city tries to beat recession blues with sex tax
Authorities in the western German city of Cologne are thinking of introducing a sex tax to pay for a crippling debt.

However the city's treasurer, Peter Michael Soenius, says the tax will not affect everyone who indulges in sex, only those who visit brothels and sex shows.

Germany's economy is in a mess, beset by high unemployment and low growth, with official figures released yesterday showing it has entered a recession.

Brothels are legal in Germany and supposedly subject to the normal tax and employment laws.

'Yard-Man' mows over his own record
By Meriah Doty
CNN
Friday, May 16, 2003 Posted: 1420 GMT (10:20 PM HKT)



Brad "Yard-Man" Hauter unofficially broke his own world record at Centennial Park in Atlanta, Thursday.



ATLANTA, Georgia (CNN) -- They call him "Yard-Man."

And no, he's not a new character in "The Matrix Reloaded." He's Brad Hauter, Indiana native, father, soccer coach, Guinness Book World Record holder and a man on a mission to beautify America.

Hauter's been driving a lawnmower across the U.S. since March 19 when his journey began in San Francisco. His mission has been to top his own world record which he set in 1999.

According to his preliminary calculations, he has already done just that.

"I'm pretty sure we're over. I think we crossed that pulling into Atlanta," Hauter said Thursday, admitting he had not yet checked the mileage for that day. "Now its just waiting for authentication."

He explained that the people from Guinness will make the final judgment based on mileage reports recorded by a global positioning system. He predicted when he makes his final mow to New York the broken record will be made official.

Hauter, 37, said his main focus this time across the U.S. is to break the record of funds raised for Keep America Beautiful -- a nonprofit organization aimed at cleaning up and beautifying communities.

"The motivation is not the Guinness record," Hauter said. "The record we really want to beat is the $200,000 we raised last time."

He also wants his message to permeate communities across the U.S.

Each place Hauter stops off, he leads a cleanup. After unofficially breaking his lawnmowing record at Centennial Park in Atlanta, he headed over to Oakland Cemetery a few miles away to pick up trash along with other community volunteers.


Hauter: "I really enjoy getting up everyday and doing a cleanup event and talking to kids about recycling."
"I was taught, like I'm trying to teach my kids, to pick up after yourself," Hauter explained. "If you use something put it away when you're done. Those lessons never stuck when I was a kid. My parents tried to beat it into my head. Somewhere through that process I developed a passion for the environment."

He has run into a few bobbles along the way including his unofficial record-breaking day Thursday, when an incessant drizzle of rain most likely kept press and onlookers indoors.

But rain does not stop "Yard-Man" Hauter. And neither did an episode where his mower was stolen in San Antonio on Easter Sunday.

"This entire trailer was gone. They found it about 15 hours later dumped along the side of the road," Hauter said. "We got the truck and trailer back, but our Yard-Man mowers, all of our personal stuff and about $7,000 worth of T-shirts were stolen."

He commended Wal-Mart, which sells Yard-Man products, for replacing his mower and getting him back to his 25 mph maximum speed.

Hauter's next stop is Memphis.

And for those of you on the East Coast, keep your ears geared toward that mower motor sound -- he might be cleaning up a city park, vacant lot or playground near you.

Ultimately "Yard-Man" said he just wants to make "a softer human footprint on the ecosystem."

[Skytz]

Heres another one for y'all....

French boffins invent new health super drink

Evian releases product to expectant market

French boffins have invented a new health super drink which they claim will revolutionise society.

Scientists at the Centre Evian pour L'Eau in Paris have discovered that combining two hydrogen atoms with one oxygen atom produces a stable, tasteless liquid that the body easily absorbs and even uses as a transport medium for unwanted waste products.

Mass production has begun on the chemical compound - called "water" by its inventors - and their sponsoring company is already shipping bottles of "Detox Evian". They are confident of its success and have backed the launch with a huge advertising campaign which claims the product is "the key to putting the spring back in your step for a healthy start to the New Year".

While the benefit of the liquid on calf muscles has yet to be verified independently, other scientists have confirmed Evian's claims over the new compound. But those behind the discovery believe drinking is only the first of many uses for Water™.

Other practical applications are thought to include:

Washing
Cooking
Cleaning
Filling rivers
Making things "damp"
Putting out fires
Squirting

Skytz

Student puts virginity under the hammer
A Chilean university student short on tuition money is planning to auction her virginity over the Internet.

The 21-year-old has made the announcement during a popular local radio program, saying she has a gynaecological certificate to prove her virginity.

She will act as her own auctioneer during the Internet sale, which is expected to open in a week.

The student says she is not a prostitute, but insists giving up her virginity is the only way to pay for her university fees.

Pole position worth the wait, say some
After 15-days sitting on top of a two-and-a-half-metre high pole, a momentary shift of his buttocks was enough to shatter Benjamin Buettner's dreams of glory in the 2003 World Pole-Sitting Championships.

The rules maintatin that contestants must stay on the pole day and night, squatting on a 40 by 60 centimetre board.

They may come down for only 10 minutes every two-hours to perform their ablutions.

"If you get back up there a second late, you're out," organiser Klaus Mueller from the Heide Park Soltau amusement park in western Germany where the event is staged, said.

Ladders allow competitors to go up and down, and also to supply them with food and drink or whatever distractions they need, to while away the hours on their bird-like perches.

To make sure no one cheats when the rest of the world has decided enough is enough and has gone to bed, electronic sensors attached to the board monitor the pressure of backsides.

Video cameras run constantly, as 22-year-old ambulanceman Mr Buettner found out.

"He tried to dupe us by pressing on the board with his hands and stealing a few seconds of respite on the ladder, but the camera caught him and the judges threw him out," Mr Mueller said.

This year's field of iron-bottomed contestants includes the reigning world pole-sitting champion, a 27-year-old mechanic who just happens to be a Pole.

Egypt, Hungary and Germany were also represented, but for some the stakes were too high.

With the contest entering its 17th day, only six of the 10 starters remain in the fray and they are bracing for a long wait.

"The current world record stands at 196-days. This year they want to crack the 200-day mark," Mr Mueller said.

That would mean sitting on the pole until mid-November.

The unusual sport dates back to 1952, when villages in the Dutch province of Holland were flooded and inhabitants sat on top of poles until rescuers arrived.

The Dutch are the sport's purists.

"The Dutch competitions mimic the original scene. There, you don't get to sit on a board, and you can't come down. The winner is the last one to fall into the water," Mr Mueller said.