What the title says.
Please keep it within these three programmes.
What the title says.
Please keep it within these three programmes.
[Bart flicks a pocket knife open and closed repeatedly]
Man: You call that a knife? _This_ is a knife.
Bart: That's not a knife, that's a spoon.
Man: All right, all right, you win, heh. I see you've played
Knifey-Spooney before.
Homer: [to bartender] Hey! Give me one of those famous giant beers
I've heard so much about.
[bartender puts a huge beer in front of him]
Bartender: Something wrong, yank?
Homer: No. It's pretty big...I guess.
Marge: I'll just have a cup of coffee.
Bartender: Beer, it is.
Marge: No, I said "coffee".
Bartender: "Beer"?
Marge: [slowly] Coff-ee.
Bartender: Be-er?
Marge: C -- O --
Bartender: B -- E --
you TOTALLY stole my thread!
Family Guy:
Brian: Can I Wham my Oingo Boingo in your Velvet Underground?
Mayor West (gets hit in the face and bleeds): Oh no! I'm a tomato!
Foster child: Stewie, come join our rainbow!
Stewie: I've got a better game. It's called 'drink what's under the sink.'
Bee: Look who's mayor now? First order of business, honey for everyone! Yay! Mayor Bee, Mayor Bee! Uh oh, I done stung myself. Bye world.
Adam West: Hey there, wanna take a gander at some Adam West penis?
Death's Mother: Put a jacket on, you'll get frostbite!
Death: I don't have any skin.
Death's Mother: That's because you didn't eat your beans!
Young Peter: Why did the dinosaurs all die out?
Museum tour guide: Because you touch yourself at night.
Brian: You wanna go to Chuck E Cheese?
Stewie shakes his head
Brian: You wanna get some McDonald's?
Stewie shakes his head
Brian: You wanna take a dump in Mother Mary's shoe?
Stewie nods
Brian: Let's go take a dump in Mother Mary's shoe.
Peter: Oh God I'm the worst father since Abraham.
Isaac: You... you wanna tell me what the hell THAT was?
Simpsons:
Grampa: My Homer is not a communist! He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is NOT a porn star!
Homer: Linguo... dead?
Linguo: Linguo IS dead.
Sign outside Winnipeg, Manitoba: Welcome to Winnipeg. We were born here, what's your excuse?
Marge: Do you have any more Chanel suits?
Sales clerk: No, but we've got a shipment of slightly burnt Sears activewear coming in this afternoon.
Cletus: What time and how burnt?
Homer: I saw this in a movie once about a bus that had to speed around a city, and it had to keep its speed above 50, and if its speed dropped, it would explode. I think it was called 'The Bus that Couldn't Slow Down.'
Homer: It's like Speed 2 but with a bus instead of a boat!
Ralph Wiggum: Principal Skinner and Mrs. Krabapple were making babies and I saw one of the babies and the baby looked at me.
Homer: Hey, they have the internet on computers now!
And so on.
Family Guy owns
Lawyer: Peter, Sarah has decided to press sexual harrasssment charges against you.
Peter: Sarah...Is that the one we video taped taking a dump?
-------
Peter: Hey, what are you doing here?
Superman: I killed a hooker. She made a crack about me being faster than a speeding bullet so I ripped her in half like a phonebook.
------
Peter has to come up with a fake name on the spot, so he looks around the room to get inspiration)
Peter Griffin: Uh... my name is...(he sees a pea)
Peter Griffin: Pea...
(he sees a woman crying)
Peter Griffin: ... tear...
(he sees a Griffin fly by)
Peter Griffin: ... Griffin. Peter Griffin
OMG LMAO!!!
James I am in college and I pissed myself laughing at the third one and everyone was looking hahahahahahahHAHA!!!
It's even funnier in the episode, it's the way he says it
May I Have your attention please..Testicles..That'll be all. -Peter Griffin.
Homer: I am so smrt S-M-R-T
Homer: There's your giraffe, little girl.
Ralph Wiggum: I'm a boy.
Homer: That's the spirit. Never give up.
-------------------
Scully: Homer, we're going to ask you a few simple yes or no questions. Do you understand?
Homer: Yes. (lie dectector blows up)
-------------------
Homer: I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.
-------------------
Homer: From now on, there are three ways to do things: the right way, the wrong way, and the Max Power way.
Bart: Isn't that just the wrong way?
Homer: Yeah, but faster!
-------------------
Lois: Peter,why are we stopped?
Peter: Yeah, I'll have three cheeseburgers...
Lois: Peter for God's sakes she's havin' a baby!
Peter: Oh that's right...and a kid's meal... and uh,I, I guess I'll have fries...if I have fries is anyone else gonna have any? Cuz,uh I don't wanna be the only one eatin' them... I'll feel like a fatty.
-------------------
Peter: Sometimes it's appropriate to swear
(Peter is in court)
Bailiff: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you god?
Peter: I do........You bastard
-------------------
Peter: Wait a second, where you going?
Servant: The old bag only paid us up through the song.
Lois: Well, we can just pick up after ourselves. After all, we'll only be here on weekends.
Peter: No no, Lois. It's time you started living like the piece of Schmidt you are.
Lois: That's "Pewterschmidt."
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